My ex married his ‘cousin’ after I lost his baby

Dear Pastor,

I met this man online. He is living in the US. I am almost 50, and to tell you the truth, I met him in 2020. At that time he told me he was single and he would help me financially.

However, it seems to me that he goes around using his money to get attention from women. We met in person at a hotel in Montego Bay, St James. His phone rang constantly and we spent three days together. He came back to Jamaica three times after, and it was the same thing. He made five trips to see me and he only answered his phone once while we were together. He said that it was his family calling. That was a red flag for me.

He was in touch with four of his ex-girlfriends. He told me that two of them were his cousins, but he is with these women. One of them has the same surname. It appeared that he was having sex with her, from what I have seen, and how she addressed him on Facebook. I confronted him about her, and she changed her name. So he went back to her, I guess. He has another woman from Kingston. He takes her to the US every year and I have asked myself why someone would rent a place to put up a cousin. Whenever we are on the phone, he always tells me when he is close to his cousin's house, and that he will call me back.

I know a Jamaican in the US who knows him. He tells me everything about this man. The person also took pictures of them together at the so-called cousin's house. This man asked me to marry him, but even though everything about this cousin did not add up, I told him yes. I chose my dress and ring, but Pastor, my gut feeling was telling me something. This man didn't even know how to cheat because we spoke on the phone every day. I could easily pick up something if he was cheating. This man was still sleeping with his so-called cousins and still talking to me.

Pastor, if we were on the phone and his cousin called, he told me that she was calling and that he would call me back. I put my foot down, but it did not stop. So whenever he didn't call me, I made notes of the dates. Those occasions happened to be the dates that he took out his so-called cousin. I told him I wouldn't marry him because I wouldn't allow him to continue to take me for a fool. I got pregnant, but I had a miscarriage. I told him that he should not think that I was going to marry him and go to the US. I told him to go to the cousin he was sleeping with because he was having affairs with four women while I was pregnant. I called his so-called cousin and I told her that I had lost the pregnancy. I got pregnant and he got married to her the following month. I should have left this man from our first date.

When he got married to his cousin, she put it on Facebook briefly. I asked myself why she didn't want anybody to know. Every woman that he meets, he tells her that she is the one he wants to marry. This man eats every Bible leaf and takes oaths that he is not living with any woman. He helped this woman to purchase a house, but he doesn't have one. God is going to show him a sign. That was enough to open my eyes and I realise it was time for me to run. It was his birthday and I asked him if I could post him and he said no. Twenty minutes later, I went back on Facebook and his ex posted him and wished him 'Happy birthday'. I asked him who the woman was and he said they grew up together.

This man has no love in him at all. He told me that he should have met me 10 years ago, but we would have broken up because I don't put up with foolishness. I have broken up with him 10 months now. I blocked him on Facebook and on WhatsApp.

Deceived

Dear Deceived,

This man has deceived you indeed. If he does not repent his bad deeds will catch up with him. It took you too long to realise that this man was using you. But I am sure you thought that a grown man would not have practised deception. So you trusted him and unfortunately you gave your life over to him, so to speak.

I am happy that you have ended the relationship with him and I assure you that I will be praying for you. I urge you to put your life in God's hand. Read your Bible every day and pray and go to church. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made. God will take care of you.

Pastor