Partner no longer satisfying me

Dear Pastor,

I enjoy reading your column all the time. I am 41 years old and I am in a committed relationship with my partner. There is something on my mind, something is bothering me lately.

I am not feeling any sensation when I am having sex with him. I went to the States for three months, and since I came back to Jamaica and we resumed having sex, I can't feel anything. Sex has always been amazing with my partner. I am speaking from my heart.

I had sex several times to find out what is the problem why I am not feeling anything. I don't need to lie. I have never cheated on my partner, but this is bothering me. I can't tell him how I feel. I don't know how to say it to him. I don't want to accuse him of anything. I kept asking myself what was wrong with me. Sex has never felt like this.

What is the problem? The only thing different that I have done in the three months I was away from Jamaica was to go to the gym. I don't have anyone to talk to about my problem. I am afraid that if I say it to anyone, it would be used against me if we were to have an argument.

Please tell me what to do.

L.T.

Dear L.T.,

If you are in a committed relationship, you should not be afraid to talk to your spouse about the problem that you are experiencing whenever both of you are having sex. You said that both of you used to have amazing sex. If that is not happening any more, both of you should probably make an appointment to see a sex therapist. If you would prefer, you may make an appointment with a trained family counsellor. I hate to think that this problem is psychological because you are an experienced woman and you know what is missing in your relationship.

Therefore, I repeat, you should not be fearful in talking to your man about this problem. Please do so as early as possible. I also suggest that both of you make an appointment to see a family counsellor as early as possible.

Pastor