My wife and mom both need surgery

February 06, 2023

Dear Pastor,

I listen to your show every night, but I have never called you. I want to discuss something with you. Since it is not convenient for me to call you, because most times my wife and I are in bed together and our two children are in their room, I have decided to write to you. I enjoy reading your column as much as I enjoy hearing you on the radio. I know that my wife will see the answer to my letter, and that would be alright.

My wife and I were high-school sweethearts. When she was about 16, I told her the best gift I would give to her was to have sex. She told me that she was a virgin. I did not believe her because she was a very popular girl in high school. She was always chatting up with the guys. So I felt that one of the guys had taken her virginity. But she assured me that no one had ever 'entered her gate'. Anyhow, we did not have sex when she was 16, but it happened when she was 17. Our friendship went on and we graduated together. We were both fortunate to attend university, so we were never separated in a real sense. We are both teachers.

At the moment, I am perplexed because my wife was told that she has to do surgery, and it is very expensive. But my mother has to have surgery, too. My mother does not have insurance and I am her only child. My wife has a little insurance, but it is not enough to cover the cost of the surgery. My wife would love for me to take out a loan to assist her in paying for her surgery and let my mother delay hers.

My mother has a male friend and I asked him what he could do for her. He said that he could not do much at the moment. I love my wife, but I cannot allow my mother to suffer. You know there is an old saying that a man can always get another wife, but he cannot get another mother. I said that to my wife and she was not pleased. She responded by saying that a woman can get another husband. So I am asking you to help me make the right decision. I thank you in advance.


Dear Writer,

I believe what you are trying to do is to put me in trouble. It is true that a man cannot get another biological mother and mothers are very special, and sons have a special love for their mother. Your mother's surgery is just as important as the surgery for your wife. I think your wife has made a mistake by suggesting that your mother should defer her surgery and allow her to do hers. Those suggestions should have come from your mother. Perhaps you can suggest that your wife find out the exact cost of her surgery and borrow part of the money, because her insurance will cover part of the cost. You should consider using your money to pay for your mother's surgery.

Both women are precious to you. I don't know who you are and frankly, I don't care to know. I can't take anybody's side. I am only trying to be fair in my comments. You say that your mother has a male friend. I think that what you are trying to say is that she is living with a man, but the man is poor and cannot help. You also say that you are an only child. If your mother has her own home and the title is clear, you can probably get a loan from a financial institution to help to pay for your mother's surgery.


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